Men speaking up

If we think something is not our problem we tend to say nothing or do nothing about it. When it comes to women being abused by men we men tend to think that that is not our problem either, because we do not view ourselves as being abusive. I came across the term 'silence is collusion' years ago. It really struck me that by saying nothing or doing nothing we were really colluding with those who abuse. For some reason we men seem unaware that violence by men against women is not a problem that women have but it is a problem that men have. We have tended to leave the support of women to other women, rather than supporting women by speaking up to the men who use violence against women. Speaking up can be very threatening because we may become the victims of violence ourselves. Speaking up as men can also carry with it a false sense of betrayal, that we are betraying the male side of things, but are we really betraying men, or are we colluding with the ways that men view and treat women that violate the rights of women? Not all men are violent, but we all have the potential for violence. Sometimes we are unaware that we are being violent, we can be passively aggressive, we can use our size or position to intimidate, we can use words that carry threat.

We may or do choose the path of violence because we may be stronger than our female partner but we don't have to take that path. We need to begin by realising and acknowledging that using violence is wrong whether against women, or children or other men. We need to take responsibility not only for our own violence but for male violence. We must find better ways of communicating with our partners, better ways of expressing our feelings and wishes and needs. We need to find language to express these feelings and needs in ways that value our partners as equals and in ways that they feel safe. We need to speak up, in conversations, in public, in our religious gatherings, in our places of work and study, in the media, in social networking, in sport and when we are talking with other men about sex and about women etc.

If you are a man, listen to the conversations that men have about women, to what is said and what is not said. Where is silence colluding with violence? Learn to speak up, find your voice, make a difference, stop violence against women, and make the lives of men more richer too.

Violence and Alcohol

I've recently moved to the picturesque area of New South Wales known as the Illawarra. It has incredibly beautiful beaches with the backdrop of a rain forest escarpment. It is stunning.

Over the weekend news headlines throughout Australia were painting a picture of a violence that appears at night in Wollongong, the capital city of the Illawarra. The media reported on the high incidences of violence fueled by alcohol in the Wollongong city centre. The reports referred to the number of people, including police officers, assaulted. Local media in turn commented on how unattractive the Wollongong city centre is aesthetically and how this media attention on violence makes Wollongong an even more unattractive place to visit.

I'm interested in finding alternatives to violence, reducing levels of violence and creating a safer world for people to live in. For more people to frequent the city centre it must be a safer place for people to visit. As most of the assaults occur late at night, controlling the hours that pubs and clubs are open seems one simple way to control the amount of alcohol consumed in the city centre. Reducing the amount of time that people can access alcohol could lead to a  reduction of violent assaults.

Harm reduction rather than total bans or abstinence seems to be an easier strategy to introduce. I'm wondering what other creative ways can be used to reduce the occurrences of violence in our communities?

Violence in Sport

My favourite sport is football (Soccer) and the team I have followed for
40 years is Tottenham Hotspur (Spurs). Yesterday Spurs played AC Milan
 in the European Champions League. There were a number of violent
incidents in the game. One was a two footed tackle that looked very
dangerous and the other was when one player grabbed the throat of the
opposition's coach and after the game the same player appeared to head
 butt  the same coach. While I love football, I am appalled by this behaviour
 especially as it is televised to millions of people (mostly men and boys)
around the world. If clubs are to eradicate violent behaviour from local club
 level and bring girls and boys up to participate in a sporting manner both
as participants and as fans then surely governing bodies at the highest
level must set a standard that does not tolerate violent behaviour at all.
Codes of conduct must be enforced for both players and coaches.

My interest is in assisting men to find other ways of expressing emotions
such as anger in ways which do not hurt or threaten other people. I believe
 that famous sporting and other public leaders such as politicians must
set better examples for younger people.