The Boys
My friend Andrew took me along to the theatre the other
night to see the play The Boys. Andrew does a lot of group work with men http://www.groupworksolutions.com.au/
and I went because his partner was ill. Although I had put a link to the
background of the play on this Blog a couple of months ago I didn’t really want
to go and see it. I knew what the story was about and did not want to spend an
evening being ‘entertained’ by violence.
The play was very confronting, literally in your face. We
were in the front row and the main character pulled down his pants and bared
his bottom to the audience. I thought the acting was superb, it was non stop,
intense and the atmosphere was charged. But I didn’t like it. I felt
uncomfortable, intimidated, angry and sad.
The main theme that struck me was the attitude of the men to
women. This came across in both words and actions. The women were portrayed as seeking
meaningful relationships and something better for their lives. The men were
portrayed as having a great sense of entitlement: entitled to do what they
wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted, and without any consideration for
either their mother or girlfriends. They viewed women as objects. This came
across very strongly in their views on sex and in the simulated sex scenes –
you can never let a woman be on top. The sex portrayed was devoid of loving
relationship and intimacy. A woman’s body was merely an object for ejaculation
and in treating her so she would know her place, she would know who held the
power, she would know who was boss. The violence in the play was not just meted
out on the women. The brothers were pulled into submission to the elder
brothers views through violence. These beliefs were enforced upon both women
and men to maintain their place and the place of men above women. The cycle of
violence was being continued and legitimised by these beliefs and backed up
with violence.
I would imagine that most men if asked would deny holding
such views of women and would distance themselves from the views and actions
portrayed in the play. However, women throughout the world know what it is to
live with the threat and effects of both sexual and physical assault not just
from strangers but from within their own families. As a man reading this I am
wondering if you have ever questioned your own views about women. What informed
those views? How were they formed? From whom did you learn them? What did your
father model to you about women? What did male teachers, ministers, priests,
sports people, brothers, uncles, grandfathers and other significant males in
your life model to you? Was what was modelled to you respectful of women? Has what
you have learnt contributed to deepening and respectful relationships with
women? I personally hold the view that the more men respect women, the more
satisfying their relationships with women can be. Can a man change? Please click
on the following link for more links to groups working with men who want to
improve their relationships.
