Islamic women's sex and power

Have a look at the film trailer for The Source a film about women with holding sex from their partners until water is piped to their village. It should be a great film for men to watch if we are not already aware that men are unfairly privileged in this world over women.

Islamic women's sex and power

The Justin Campaign - Rugby League Ref Comes Out

The Justin Campaign


The Justin Campaign - Rugby League Ref comes out

A love affair

I posted this in my Weddings and Funeral Celebrant Blog but also included it here for men to read and comment on.

Yesterday I attended the funeral of a man and was very moved by the way his grandchildren spoke so affectionately about him. They described the relationship their grandfather had with their grandmother as a love affair. They had been married 52 years and had ceremonies to renew their vows twice during that time and had planned to have me officiate for another renewal of their vows on their next anniversary. They described their grandparents dancing closely late into the night in a cabin on holiday in Tasmania and sleeping in the same bed, snuggled up, no matter where they were or how small the bed was whether on the Indian Pacific Train or in a bunk bed on an ocean liner. He never wanted to be separate from her even for a night. They described him as a man who lived with passion and instilled in them a passion and adventure for life. He was passionate in his love for his partner and wife, passionate as an artist, passionate about sport, passionate about his friends, passionate about his family. And yet this was a working man, ho worked with his hands all his life.

 

As I listened I thought what an example this man is to his grandchildren, but specifically to his grandsons. What a role model he is to younger men and to all men in society. I marvelled at the way he demonstrated such passionate love and respect for his partner of 52 years. I thought how good is this for men to see this modelled to them and how even better it is for women to be loved so totally as this man loved.

It was a challenge to me. How many of us men view our partners as someone we are having a love affair with? And if we did how would that improve our relationships and the lives of our partners?

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

Click on the link below for tips for men on how to prevent sexual assault  The tips were found on the Tumblinfeminist website http://tumblinfeminist.tumblr.com

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips

Racism and Homophobia in Sport

In recent weeks there have been a number of occasions where very high profile footballers in the English premier league have been accused of making racist comments to other players during games. Last night Fabio Capello the manager of the England team indirectly resigned because of one such accusation. He argued that the decision to drop John Terry as captain of England by the English Football Association was incorrect because he believes that the accusation of racism is a matter for the civil courts to decide not a matter for a sporting court to decide.

Players of African and Caribbean background are regularly subjected to racist taunts and chanting by football crowds. Players and officials in football must set the example of there being no place for racism within sport and high profile players must be educated about the damaging effects of racist remarks and institutional racism. Likewise homophobic taunts by players to other players or from spectators can have far reaching effects on boys and men growing up in cultures that are traditionally not inclusive of people who are deemed different. The incidents of suicide among young men who are gay are very high. It can be very troubling and confusing to come to terms with one's sexuality in a world where one is not deemed as 'normal'. Former England Footballer Graeme Le Saux was subjected to constant taunts questioning his sexuality during his career and has recently spoken publicly about his experiences Support for Footballers who are also gay. Because of the homophobic prejudice rife in football few players are willing to come out as gay and so are forced to live secret lives.

Sporting associations, religious organisations, educational institutions, armed forces, law enforcement agencies, the media, employers and so on must take strong stands against any hints of racism or homophobia within their systems both publicly and privately in order to create safer environments and a safer world for men and boys to grow up in.

As a member and leader of a religious organisation I think that it is imperative that there is no rhetoric, no hints, no evidence of anything that is discriminatory in any way when it comes to issues of race, ethnicity, culture, belief, sexuality or gender.  But I think it is not enough to be passively against discrimination. Organisations such as the church must be actively and publicly working for the inclusion of all people within its organisation and within society. Like Sporting associations and all other public organisations the church must take responsibility for the effects it's own rhetoric, discriminatory practices and example can have on the lives of people because of their race, gender or sexual preference etc.

In many ways it is time for sporting organisations and other organisations such as the church to 'come out' more publicly in support of people discriminated against because of their race or sexual preference.

The boys are back

Male Violence -something to reflect on

Cut and paste the link...

http://mpegmedia.abc.net.au/homepage/video/730_theboysareback_edit.flv

White Ribbon

I participated in a White Ribbon Event in Wollongong last Friday 25th November. As part of the evening there was some interactive theatre in which the actors posed as a few friends trying to help a friend who was feeling very stressed about work and eventually went on to hit his partner. 


Here is a quote from the event advertising: Forum Theatre is a form of interactive theatre developed by Augusto Boal, a Brazilian social activist and theatre maker who also developed Theatre of the Oppressed, a theatre form used in South America to work with communities on human rights and other social justice issues. In Forum Theatre the audience influences the action and suggest different paths for the actors to follow as they look for solutions to problems.


The drama presented a man feeling incredibly stressed by the insecurity of his workplace. He did not know how long the company would keep going and how long he would have a job. He was getting aggressive in leisure time, at home and at work even with his friends. It was a challenging and confronting piece of theatre as it forced us all to think how we might assist a friend in preventing him choosing a path of violence against his female partner. 


The word choice came to the fore. How might a man develop choices other than resorting to violence? The first thing to acknowledge was that physical violence was not a choice one can make and secondly that we have to take responsibility ourselves for finding other ways to deal with the anger in our lives. The drama made us think about how we can interact with men, to get them to talk and assist them to find other ways to deal with the things that were causing them stress.


It got me thinking about how we men don't like violence either and try to avoid raising the issue of another man's violence with the man himself. We are fearful of the threat of violence too. Men can be unaware of the way they use their bodies and body language to intimidate. It is difficult to have an open conversation when the other person is looming over you or is huffing and puffing or pacing up and down. Men can be very threatened by an intruder into their private life and especially when their violence is challenged. 


It is one thing to sit down and talk with a man after he has committed an act of violence against his partner especially if he has come to you for counselling or help, but it is a totally different thing to try to engage with a man when he is being violent or threatening violence.


It challenged me to come up with a number of possible ways we might prevent violence by men against their partners. We have got to get a clear message to all men in society that violence is not a choice they can make. How might we do this? From my experience men do not usually seek help until after they have been charged with assault or their partner has left them. Men don't think it is their problem or their responsibility to challenge other men. Men do not easily volunteer to attend anger management or violence prevention classes unless forced by law. So how can we educate ourselves to make other choices? There are a number of groups working with boys in schools but it would be great if businesses would allow time for employees to attend on site prevention of violence against women classes. They could be packaged as part of 'stress management', and be part of a business' social responsibility in the community. Any improvements to the individual and to how he is feeling abut himself will have a positive influence on the team in which he works. So there are great benefits for the business too.


For years I have tried to raise the issue at weddings that I have performed as one way to let men know that violence is not a choice they can make and I have always invited men to speak with me if they wish. Men need to hear other men saying that violence against women is not on.


What other ways could we raise this with men? What ways could we train men to find other alternatives to violence? How can we help them to use their words carefully and caringly?


Any thoughts and ideas are very welcome.