Finding our way again

I haven't written anything for over a month now, not since before my dad died. I recently spoke to someone who told me that since he and his partner had split up he had not been motivated to grow his business beyond where it was. I could understand his lack of motivation. Grief and loss can stop us in our tracks, spin us around in circles, take all motivation and meaning from us for a time. We do what we have to but nothing more.

I've been thinking about a phrase I read many years ago in the book 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and which I often reflect on when it comes to funerals - 'Death ends a life not a relationship'. When someone dies we keep on relating to that person through our memories, through the gifts, skills, wisdom and love (or perhaps anger) that we have experienced in that person and through our relationships with others who knew the deceased person.

Our marriages may end in divorce, we may no longer live together, the 'relationship' may have ended but that doesn't mean that we won't have to relate to one another, there is still a relationship of sorts. If we share the care of children with an ex-partner we will still have to relate in some way for the sake of them. If we can relate in good ways this will make life much more easy to negotiate for our children too. So even though the relationship of marriage or cohabiting has ended the relationship or relating has not ended. Sometimes and in some cases I think it may be easier to find our way again after the death of a loved than after a separation or divorce because we no longer have to negotiate the relationship with the deceased person, whereas following a divorce with children involved we will need to still develop our skills in relating to our ex-partner in order for us to move on and embrace life again and be able to relate to a possible new partner.