This morning I watched my son's team play football (Soccer). The score was 2-2. It was an early morning kick off. It was wet and cold and more like Ireland than Australia. It was a beautiful setting by the coast. The waves thrashing off the rocks were throwing spray high into the sky aided by the strong wind. It wasn't the only thing distracting me from the game. One of the parents from the other team was constantly shouting negative comments to his son's team. The words that most grated with me were: 'boofhead', 'princess' and 'beat the shit out of the other team'. The last comment was given during the half time talk.
I stood listening to all this and noticed a few smirks from people standing around and wondered why no one challenged the way this man was speaking to the boys in the team. He wasn't one of the coaches and constantly called over the top of them telling the team where to stand and what to do and berating them when they were not in the position he thought they should have been. At one point the left back was taking a throw in and I could see how unsure the boy was about what to do. Instead of looking at where to throw the ball he was looking at the man shouting instructions. I couldn't hold back any longer and approached the man about the way he was speaking to the team. I expressed the possible psychological damage that the comments could have on the boys. When I indicated that it was not appropriate to ridicule the boys by calling them boofhead or princess, one of the women standing close by excused the man's behaviour by indicating that it was okay because it was his son whom he was calling princess. The man told me to get away from him. I walked away.
I don't find speaking up and speaking out easy especially to people exhibiting bullying behaviour. Why did no one else speak up? Had they heard it all before from him and excused him by saying that's just him, that's just the way he is? Why was there silence? For me it was like there was something going on, something we were all aware of, something we were all hearing but no one was saying anything or doing anything about it. Perhaps others were not aware of it or unaware of the effect it could have on these young boys. Perhaps others heard it but not in the way I heard it. I felt challenged. Do I keep quiet or do I speak up? It is a dilemma I am often confronted by. I know that my emotional state will be raised which ever choice I make. By speaking up I will have to deal with the questions of whether I did the right thing or said the right thing, or could I have handled it better? Before I speak I also have to consider that I could get a fist in my face. By not speaking up I will have to deal with the question of whether I missed an opportunity: an opportunity perhaps to speak up for a boy who has to grow up enduring his father publicly ridiculing him by calling him such things as 'boof head and 'princess' and a question of whether I had missed an opportunity to speak into a story being written today by a lot of people saying nothing and one person dominating the script? Were we all being bullied? What has been your experience of speaking up?
This is Men's Health Week. Women are always telling me that their partners won't go to the doctor. I wonder why so many men won't see a doctor? I was diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer in 1998. I didn't attend the doctor because I thought there was something wrong, I just went for a check up and she sent me off for some tests. The cancer was detected early, I had it removed, I had treatment and I'm all clear today. Personally I'd prefer to be alive than dead. Our second child was only five months old at the time and since then we have had two more children. I'm glad that I'm around to see them grow up and share my life with them.