Talking Men

Laughter is said to be the best medicine but simply opening up a conversation can be a step towards change, healing or transformation. Why is it hard for us men to talk about what really matters? Why do we men so easily just talk about sport?

I love talking with men about things that matter in their lives. I love facilitating discussions about issues that men would not as easily speak to other men about. I find that it makes my life much richer as we share experiences, as we speak more honestly about ourselves, as we admit to our own potential for violence, as we celebrate our joys and sadnesses in life. It helps me understand what the other may be struggling with and and we can explore alternatives.

How does one begin a meaningful conversation? How does one get others to talk about things that really matter to you? I'm looking forward to this conversation.

Come dine with me - from romance to possession

Lifestyle Television can reveal some very interesting ways that men think about women. Here is an example from the Australian version of the lifestyle show ‘Come dine with me’. 

In the show the contestants each take a turn at hosting the other contestants in their own home by providing a sumptuous meal and some light entertainment. 

As part of the entertainment, the guests often explore the bedroom of the host. In one particular episode two of the male contestants went into the bedroom of the female host. One of the men opened a wardrobe which contained the suits of the woman’s husband. The man quickly closed the door, remarking, “Oh, I don’t like touching his suits, but I don’t mind touching his wife!”

What do you make of that comment? To me it says something about how men still view women as the property of men.  How do men come to believe this? Where do these ideas find support within society? Why are they still circulating? How are we men tricked into believing them? What benefit is there to view one’s partner as one’s property? How do we go from viewing our partner romantically to viewing her as a possession? Surely experience of life for men, would be much more fulfilling sexually, emotionally and spiritually, to be in a relationship of mutual love and respect rather than viewing a woman as an object to possess? 

Violence and Alcohol

I've recently moved to the picturesque area of New South Wales known as the Illawarra. It has incredibly beautiful beaches with the backdrop of a rain forest escarpment. It is stunning.

Over the weekend news headlines throughout Australia were painting a picture of a violence that appears at night in Wollongong, the capital city of the Illawarra. The media reported on the high incidences of violence fueled by alcohol in the Wollongong city centre. The reports referred to the number of people, including police officers, assaulted. Local media in turn commented on how unattractive the Wollongong city centre is aesthetically and how this media attention on violence makes Wollongong an even more unattractive place to visit.

I'm interested in finding alternatives to violence, reducing levels of violence and creating a safer world for people to live in. For more people to frequent the city centre it must be a safer place for people to visit. As most of the assaults occur late at night, controlling the hours that pubs and clubs are open seems one simple way to control the amount of alcohol consumed in the city centre. Reducing the amount of time that people can access alcohol could lead to a  reduction of violent assaults.

Harm reduction rather than total bans or abstinence seems to be an easier strategy to introduce. I'm wondering what other creative ways can be used to reduce the occurrences of violence in our communities?

Violence in Sport

My favourite sport is football (Soccer) and the team I have followed for
40 years is Tottenham Hotspur (Spurs). Yesterday Spurs played AC Milan
 in the European Champions League. There were a number of violent
incidents in the game. One was a two footed tackle that looked very
dangerous and the other was when one player grabbed the throat of the
opposition's coach and after the game the same player appeared to head
 butt  the same coach. While I love football, I am appalled by this behaviour
 especially as it is televised to millions of people (mostly men and boys)
around the world. If clubs are to eradicate violent behaviour from local club
 level and bring girls and boys up to participate in a sporting manner both
as participants and as fans then surely governing bodies at the highest
level must set a standard that does not tolerate violent behaviour at all.
Codes of conduct must be enforced for both players and coaches.

My interest is in assisting men to find other ways of expressing emotions
such as anger in ways which do not hurt or threaten other people. I believe
 that famous sporting and other public leaders such as politicians must
set better examples for younger people.

What do men want?

What do men want?

I once asked a group of women and men what they thought men wanted most in
life and the women responded loudly with one voice, "MORE SEX!".
The men were silent, perhaps too shy to admit it.

What do men really want out of life? Many of my conversations with men
have been about relationships. They have wanted to improve their relationships
with their partners and their children. These conversations have involved topics
such as communication, money, violence, sex, spirituality and much more.
Feelings of anger, frustration, failure, longing, grief, loss, joy, satisfaction
and much more have been expressed.

For me relationships (good relationships) are the most important thing
in the world. I have heard many funeral eulogies and for most men I have
heard that it is not their business or sporting achievements that they are
most proud of but their relationships. Eulogies also reveal that it is in the
area of relationship that most regret is also felt.

One way for men to improve their relationships is to talk about them and
seek help in improving them. On this blog I ask men to especially be
respectful of women in their comments.

What is a good relationship? How can we have good relationships in all
areas of our lives: in family life, with our partner, in business, at work,
in society, between people of different religious and cultural backgrounds?

As a man what is most important to you?