Men speaking up

If we think something is not our problem we tend to say nothing or do nothing about it. When it comes to women being abused by men we men tend to think that that is not our problem either, because we do not view ourselves as being abusive. I came across the term 'silence is collusion' years ago. It really struck me that by saying nothing or doing nothing we were really colluding with those who abuse. For some reason we men seem unaware that violence by men against women is not a problem that women have but it is a problem that men have. We have tended to leave the support of women to other women, rather than supporting women by speaking up to the men who use violence against women. Speaking up can be very threatening because we may become the victims of violence ourselves. Speaking up as men can also carry with it a false sense of betrayal, that we are betraying the male side of things, but are we really betraying men, or are we colluding with the ways that men view and treat women that violate the rights of women? Not all men are violent, but we all have the potential for violence. Sometimes we are unaware that we are being violent, we can be passively aggressive, we can use our size or position to intimidate, we can use words that carry threat.

We may or do choose the path of violence because we may be stronger than our female partner but we don't have to take that path. We need to begin by realising and acknowledging that using violence is wrong whether against women, or children or other men. We need to take responsibility not only for our own violence but for male violence. We must find better ways of communicating with our partners, better ways of expressing our feelings and wishes and needs. We need to find language to express these feelings and needs in ways that value our partners as equals and in ways that they feel safe. We need to speak up, in conversations, in public, in our religious gatherings, in our places of work and study, in the media, in social networking, in sport and when we are talking with other men about sex and about women etc.

If you are a man, listen to the conversations that men have about women, to what is said and what is not said. Where is silence colluding with violence? Learn to speak up, find your voice, make a difference, stop violence against women, and make the lives of men more richer too.